2025 has got me feeling humbled
I let go of the whole ‘New year, new me’ illusion long ago. When I was younger, I imagined that every December I would shed all the traits and qualities that I didn’t love about myself like old skin, and start the new year as this upgraded version of myself the second the clock struck midnight. I have known for years that that is not how it works. You don’t emerge like a phoenix on January 1st, born from the ashes of the lesser you of the previous year. Nevertheless, I do still like the idea of a new start. A clean slate. The first page of a new notebook (this sentence worked a lot better in my draft which I did in fact write on the first page of my new notebook). A new year brings new possibilities. Unfortunately, I spent the last hours of 2024 and the first week of this year sick with the flu. Instead of rising from the ashes I was shivering on my sofa, desperately waiting for the fever to break.
My end-of-year funk
2024 was not a great year for me. It wasn’t terrible, but it was definitely the year I was confronted with the fragility of life and with family members’ mental and/or physical health declining. Especially towards the last quarter of the year I had been feeling absolutely exhausted, and I had naively believed that some time off around the holidays would be enough to rest, recharge, and start 2025 with newfound motivation. By January, I thought, my body would be brimming with productivity that I just had to let out. Well, let’s just say I got humbled.
A combination of being ill and being in a bit of a funk in general meant that I had never felt less productive or motivated at the start of a new year. The result is that now, seven weeks into 2025, I have only just started thinking about taking some steps towards the goals I set for this year. This past month and a half, I have not been working on any of my goals. I’m reading more than ever (15 books so far) but that’s mainly because all I’ve wanted to do so far is wrap myself in a blanket and read all day.
Creating art during chaos
Starting the year like this has thrown me off a little bit. I know it’s ridiculous, but there is still that voice in the back of my mind that tells me I’ve slipped up already and that this year is basically ruined. Of course I know that’s not the case. Maybe I just needed some time to get myself together, and this will be the most incredible year yet. Whose ludicrous idea was it anyway that January, the month I think we can all agree is the darkest, longest, most depressing month of the year, is the time for big life changes? On top of that, the state of the world has been far from motivating. Who would have thought that living in a society that is rapidly heading towards facisms, that actively encourages a genocide and that has just taken about a million steps back when it comes to body positivity or any kind of diversity does not exactly make for an inviting environment to create art? Then again, maybe we need it now more than ever.
This my MOT time
My friend and podcast co-host Isabella described this time of year as her ‘MOT months’. It shouldn’t be taken too literally (what would ‘Ministry of Transport months’ even mean?), but she has decided that this is the time she dedicates to looking inwards, making sure everything is okay mentally and physically, and preparing for the rest of the year. I like that idea. It has also helped me make peace with the fact that I just needed a bit more rest.
I’m slowly but surely getting ready to take on this year. Not with a list of items that I need to tick off, but with small, manageable steps that I know I can stick to in the long run. Recently I’ve been feeling excited about my own personal projects again: Which ones of my goals will I meet? In a few months time, will I be someone who has made a habit of writing, who barely buys clothes anymore, who eats less animal products, who moves her body more, and who spends less time on social media? I like feeling like there are so many new options.
My creative year starts in March
It’s so obvious, but you can start working towards your goals at any point. A less productive week or month does not mean all hope is gone for the entire year. Actually, I’ve decided that when it comes to my personal projects, I might just live by a different calendar: My creative year could start in March, which would make January and February the end of my year and the perfect time to reflect and think about goals for the next year (who has the energy and time for that during the festive season anyway?). When spring starts, I will hopefully see my creativity and productivity blossom just like the trees and flowers around me, which surely has to be the way nature intended it?
So bear with me as I’m slowly but surely getting back into it. Please let me know how you have experienced the start of 2025? Can you relate to the January blues or not at all? Either way, we’re heading towards spring. The days are noticeably getting longer again, so we’re getting there. We just need to hold on a little bit longer (saying this mainly to myself)!
G.
